Friendship is a subject that crops up often in the conversations around our big table. We decided to use this as the theme for our next project. The women were provided with a variety of household brushes, some previously used and misshapen with dried paint. All were inexpensive. We also pulled out the bin of acrylic paints. Most of the group look forward to the weeks we paint. Some do not... so we always have other options; decorative tapes, ribbons, buttons, Plasticine, etc..
The original idea came from an online image of brushes with quirky faces. This photo and two examples were used to explain what we would create together. As usual, they were reminded that there was no right or wrong way to make the face/ character because we encourage using the materials in experimental self-expressive ways. Over the years we have often received positive feedback for the non-judgmental environment in our group.
The theme / question of the week was also given; "What qualities do you look for in a friendship?". One woman piped up with a question "How are these connected?" This prompted further clarification because this connection is key to a therapeutic exploration. My answer was to imagine the character you create as an Imaginary Friend. Even as I was expressing the words there were other women adding their interpretations.
Asking for any further questions serves to clarify what we're doing. Requesting help from group members to give more specific directions promotes engagement and valuable peer support. Often it feels like we create the activity as a group in the process of doing it.
How this process happens continued through to our discussion. As the women introduced their Imaginary Friends one by one they listed the obvious qualities; honesty, kindness, positive, direct, flexible, sense of humour, etc. The core value of the activity was in being given the opportunity to emphasize what was personally significant. One woman brought up the importance of being one's own best friend... a very good point indeed as it is a skill that helps to counter the relentless self-criticisms so destructive and yet so rarely acknowledged in day-to-day conversations.
Then, as we were just about to thank everyone for their participation and start packing up, one woman added another comment about what she does not like in a friend. Several others then had more to say so we went around the circle again; needy, clingy, manipulative, uncompromising, critical, judgmental, dishonest, etc. Although in some ways the words were more negative the atmosphere in the group was quite positive. There was a sense of a strong group of women declaring together what they would no longer accept in a relationship. That second round needed to happen.
